Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 6, Episode 1
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the sixth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'MM' – Michael McIntyre *'LP' – Lucy Porter Topics Bad Things For a By-election Candidate To Say FB: I would like to kiss your baby, but we don't want to go down that road again. HD: 'I am the perfect candidate. This is an election, and I am bi. '''LP: '''Vote for me, Doris Mugabe. I'd like to say to say no relation but, ''(scrunches her neck and puts her finger on her chin) ooh! '''MM: '''I'm not going to lie to you, power gives me wood. '''FB: '''I've been knocking on doors in this constituency for weeks, and it's completely unconnected to the recent stranglings. '''MM: '''Knife crime must end! Just last week I was given a steak knife when I clearly ordered the fish! '''FB: '''If elected living standards will go up... for me and my wife! '''AP: '''I would say the fact that the Labour Party haven't put forward a candidate has not devalued this election at all. Ask my fellow opponents Timmy Mallet, Elvis and The Honey Monster. '''FB: '''I promise to bring crime in this constituency down, by patrolling the streets at night dressed as a man-leopard. '''LP: '''I have impeccable green credentials because I've never used deodorant or had a bath. '''FB: '''I know nothing about politics, but I can crush a ripe pear between my buttocks. Unnerving Things To Hear During a Medical Examination '''HD: (Facing away from audience) Yes, er, I'll be operating... (turns right way around) Oh, there you are. RH: OH MY GOD! COME HERE, YOU'VE GOTTA LOOK AT THIS!!! FB: That's your smear test done, and I do have some bad news. I'm the janitor. HD: Yes, well it's... definitely stuck up there... we may, er... we may have to use the ferret. MM: So, if you'd like to just pop your clothes over there, next to mine. HD: You'll live... for about a week. FB: Well, there's good news and bad news, but don't worry! I can give the good news to your widow! AP: Don't worry! Panic over! It was just a spider on the microscope! HD: And how does it feel if I touch you here? And here? And there? LP: These drugs don't actually work, but every time I prescribe them, I get a free pen. HD: No, no, no, no, no, you can't have your old hip back, Mrs. Smith. I fed it to my dog. FB: This is one of the healthiest X-rays I've ever seen. But if we compare that with yours, ha! MM: Right, I thought for a change, I could cough and you could hold my balls. FB: You have the body of someone half your age... growing inside your womb. HD: Good news: you've had a baby. Bad news: it's blown your cock off. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See